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Team practices are canceled right now, but you can still find a way to work on skills by yourself! Find a windowless wall (like your garage door), chalk a line the height of a net on it, and get practicing.

Serve

Stand 20-30 feet away from the wall and serve above the line. Sprint in, grab the ball and immediately set up the next serve attempt.

Forearm/Overhead Pass/Dig

As the ball bounces off the wall, play it up to yourself, pass it to the wall and repeat. The goal is to learn to first play the ball up, not back where it came. Change it up and pass at an angle by placing a box off to one side of the wall’s base and passing into the box. 

Set

Throw the ball against the wall, move to the rebound and set front or back sets. Position yourself perpendicular to the wall and face left or right depending on which direction you’re setting. The set should go along the net line, not above it. After the set, move to the hitter’s position and catch your own set. Return to your starting position and repeat.

Spike

Stand 10-15 feet from the wall, set yourself and hit the ball above the line on the wall. Remember to turn right and left to practice line and cut shots; the ball should still bounce back to you. You can train tip and roll shots, too – just be sure you strive to keep a neutral, unreadable look before you decide which shot to execute. This will pay off against human opponents! You can also bounce a hard ball off the ground, jump and hit it.

Learn from the Pros

You learn how volleyball is played when you see great players compete. Watch YouTube highlights of great matches or check out tips. Examples:

Visit the USAV Watch page and click on TIPS

USA Volleyball YouTube (match highlights, tips, interviews)

Carla Anderton (Collierville, Tenn.) - Cap II

The greatest defensive players have the ability to “read the opponent's attack” and position themselves in both a court and body position that allows one to track, pursue and play the ball. This means the defender must play a court position anticipating an attack, but a body position anticipating an off-speed shot and run it down.

For some players this ability is innate and for some it must be instilled and trained, but all players with this ability have one thing in common – they are driven individuals who have the mindset to spontaneously react and go after “every” ball, known by many as RELENTLESS PURSUIT of the ball. This positioning is heavily dependent on the placement of the opponent's set (off net or tight) and the formation of the team block (single, double, line and/or angle). A player who can anticipate and read the situation as it develops will have the jump on those that don’t, won’t or can’t.

Size Up Your Opponent

At all times before each serve or receive, look across the net to learn whether the setter is on the front row or back row and determine the number of front row hitters. Ask yourself some questions, like:

  • Is there a dominate hitter on the front row that the setter is more likely to set?
  • What is the most likely set that the hitter will get from the setter in this situation?
  • Does your team have a dominant or weak block responsible for that hitter?
  • Do the hitters have any tendencies on their shot selections from that position?

Next, watch how the ball is PASSED. The quality of the pass will more times than not give you huge clues as to what is likely to be set and to what area of the court or which hitter. If the ball is passed behind the 10-foot line, then the set to the front row will likely be at an angle to the Left Front or Right Front; thus, typically resulting in an angled attacked. Keep in mind that learning to “Read the Hitter” is a process of elimination.

Now, we are on to the actual SET. Your first focus is to watch the setter. You already know whether he/she is on the front or back row so it will be easier to figure out if he/she jumps whether it is a set or a possible attack. When he/she is front row, does the setter like to attack the second ball? It is harder to read a left-handed setter in this position than a right-handed setter. Some obvious signs of the setter readying to attack are:

  • Does the setter’s body face the net?
  • Is she jumping?
  • Does she only jump when she is planning to attack (otherwise sets from the floor?
  • Is she approaching the ball with one arm raised with an open hand that can tip, throw or hit?

Attackers’ Body Language

Once the set is not attacked by the Setter, turn your focus to the likely hitter. Watch the approach! An aggressive approach tends to lead to an aggressive attack and a slower approach tends to lead to some type of an off-speed shot (roll, soft, deep placement or a tip). So here is a big clue to watch out for - the lack of a full approach is a red alert that an off-speed shot is coming.

Where the attacker is going to hit the ball is typically given away by the spiker’s angle of approach and where their shoulders are facing. Let’s take, for instance, an attacker in the Left Front (position 4). If the attacker takes an approach angle from outside the court, she will typically attack at a cross-court angle. If the attacker starts the approach inside the sideline near the 10-foot line, then watch for the line shot or the middle zone of the court to be attacked. After determining the angle of approach, next look at the attacker’s shoulders and feet. If the shoulders and feet are pointing toward the net, you can expect a down the line shot. If they are angled to the net post expect a cross-court shot. An attacker’s ball tends to go in the direction in which their feet are set up. If an attack has to “adjust” their approach due to a set to far off or to tight to the net, the results is often a safe hit that the attacker just tries to keep in play, and by percentages this means cross court where there is more room to keep the ball in the court.

Next, watch the hitter’s armswing. The elbow and hand will give you even more clues to determine whether it will be a hard hit shot or an off-speed shot. If the elbow drops into a “shot put” position, it is a good guess that an off-speed attack is coming in the form of a tip or roll shot. Can you see the attacker’s hand? During a fast armswing that results in a hard attack, everything is fast and you probably cannot see the hand. If you can see the attacker’s hand, the arm is moving slower and you should expect the off-speed shot. One more clue can be taken from where the hitter’s palm is facing:

  • Is her hand facing the line even if her body is facing cross court?
  • Or vice versa?
  • Is she having to reach across her body to contact the ball?
  • Is she having to reach too far out to her hitting arm side to make contact?

Location of the Set

The hitter’s shot selection is often limited by the location of the set. For an outside hitter a perfect set that is near the antenna and about 2-3 feet off the net gives the hitter the most selection and he/she will be in control with a whole arsenal of options. The tighter the set is, the more you should expect the ball to be driven down hard and shallow if no block is up and at a sharp angle if there is. The closer to the antenna the ball is the more you should expect a line shot. If the set is outside the antenna, expect a sharp cross court near the 10-foot line. If the ball is set off the net, expect a deep ball probably hit at an angle. If the ball is set behind the hitter, or the hitter approaches too far under the ball, an off-speed shot is highly likely. A low inside set ball will typically lead to an angled shot (think of a 31 or shoot). Slides typically come back to the RB if the set is outside the antenna, or if the hitter passes up the set.

Location of the Block

All defenders need to understand their team’s blocking strategy. If your team has a blocking strategy, then you generally have a plan on where you are trying to force the opponent to hit the ball - preferably to your strongest defenders – including you. Never stand directly behind your blockers because you cannot see the hitter. Seeing the attacker’s body language and approach (sometimes even their eyes) is key to determining where they are aiming. Make sure that there is a defender assigned to tip coverage for the over the block soft shots. Encourage your blockers to communicate if they are blocking line or angle, thus helping the defense behind them to be in a better position or expect possibly holes in the block if blocking both line and angle.

The first line of defense is the block. Blockers eyes should follow the pass to the setter then after the set focus on the attacker to determine approach angle, and then once they establish their position and jump, focus back on the ball. Blockers need to watch the attacker’s shoulders and arm plus make a quick mental note of the direction the attacker is facing as the hitter is jumping. It is key for the Blockers to learn to read the approach and front the hitter by lining up with the attackers hitting shoulder and where the ball is expected to cross the net. During warm-ups, it is important to notice if there are any left-handed hitters on the opposing team.

Technique of Defender

The Defender’s starting position is very important. The feet should be a little more than shoulder width apart and well balanced with weight leaning forward up on the toes (the body position for tip). One foot should be slightly in front of the other and the player is ready to move in any direction. The arms and hands should be in front of the player and apart leaving the player ready to run first then create the platform to dig. The player needs to soften a hard, driven dig by relaxing the arms back toward the body a little at contact, thus absorbing some of the ball’s force. The defender should always try to use two hands and stay on their feet whenever possible. If the ball is hit at the defenders face, he/she should use the overhand dig and push the ball straight up.

The Defender’s goal is to always get the ball up. Good technique and a never-say-die attitude are key to becoming a great defender. Ways of getting to the ball to get it up and playable include:

  • Sprinting
  • Taking quick shuffle steps
  • Lunging
  • Diving
  • Rolling
  • Sprawling
  • Jumping

Tracking down a far away shot starts with the right attitude – one that says “I can get it.” Charge the ball with two arms and try to contact the ball on the forearm by snapping the ball upward to lift it up. Strive to get the ball to the middle of the court so that a teammate can set the ball. Playing the ball low will allow more time to stay under the ball and create more control.

Attackers Ability, Tendencies & Performance

A great defender is also a great gatherer of information. Learn to read the hitters’ signs, gather the clues and identify any strengths and weaknesses. First, most hitters tend to hit where their body faces, and at most levels most balls are hit cross court. Tips are obvious because you can SEE the hitters hand due to the slower armswing.

During warm-ups one should learn to size up the attackers.

  • What is an attacker’s natural ability?
  • Are they tall verses short?
  • Are they quick verses slow?
  • Do they have average vs great vertical?
  • Is the attacker a “good” hitter or a “great” hitter (can they make great attacks out of bad sets)?

Once you gather some information, you can start to formulate an educated guess as to the type of sets they will call; high sets verses quick tempo sets. A right-handed player that over rotates or is “goofy footed” will tend to hit a lot of balls down the line or into the block from the left front attacker position (reverse for a lefty in right front). A slower, shorter hitter will have to use more off-speed placement shots during a match so expect variety. A quick, tall, good leaping hitter is the hardest to read if the player possesses a variety of shots. Pay attention to the setter’s backsets. Many setters do not get the set all the way out to the attacker’s right hand (to the antenna) thus lining up the hitter to hit into the block or only leaving them the cross court angle.

In order to learn an opponent’s tendencies, you need to learn to scout the opponent. This can be done by watching video ahead of time, catching one of their matches during your off time at a tournament and/or asking a common opponent. A great tool is charting every attack by a player for a full set as this will show where the majority of their attacks are being directed. Things to determine include:

  • Where and when does the hitter like to swing hard?
  • What is the hitter’s favorite shot?
  • Is the attacker a power or a finesse hitter?
  • Does the hitter follow-up with an off-speed shot after an error or being blocked?

Mindset of the Great Defender

First of all, a great defender must become a great reader and want and expect the ball at all times. One must possess the attitude that they can and WILL get to any ball and will show relentless pursuit in going after the ball. The key thought is to expect every ball to be hit hard your way and to not be caught by surprise! Focus first on the hard attack (so get into good court position for a hard hit ball) and second on the off-speed shot (so be in a low-ready body position to react to the tip). Always be ready to move striving to beat the ball to its destination. Have the goal of getting in the attacker’s head and frustrating them by getting every ball up. Control an attacker’s best shot by popping it up.

There are three main elements to good defense, which are study, discipline and patience. Study the opponent. Discipline yourself to learn the clues and go with the odds. Have the patience to cover your area and trust your teammates to do the same. Some of the main tactics and strategies include:

  • Staying in the angle and challenging the heat
  • Using variety in hiding your defense to make the attacker guess
  • Charging the ball
  • Listening to the opponent’s calls (line and/or hole) for their hitter

Training the Defender

Start with some basic drills with a few initial reps with a coach or hitter up on a box in Left Front and a digger in Left Back across the net. The hitter can allow the defender to read body, armswing and hand contact clues by hitting a series of hard, then soft, then tip and roll shots to the digger. As soon as the digger “gets it”, start to mix-up the different attacks. Remember to have the digger in different positions as well as move the coach or hitter around to Middle and Right Front. The key is to try to “duplicate” a hitter’s motion as closely as possible, which includes tossing the ball at a realistic, game-like height.

As soon as possible add a live hitter that self tosses and attacks from about five feet off the net. Repeat the above to allow the defender to read an approach and time the attacker’s jump and swing. Add a second hitter with one in Left Front and the other in Right Front. Finish by alternating the hitters and attacks.

Hit & Dig - Repeat the above from a live set with two diggers and two hitters on the court – now the defenders have to communicate and make decisions on who is getting the set, where the attacker will hit and who is to play the ball. Let each attacker take 10 attacks and count how many balls the two diggers get up to the middle of the court. Challenge the diggers’ range by using just one digger and two hitters.

No Blocking Drills - Trying doing some of your normal wash drills with no blocking and work on setting the ball five feet off the net. This will push your defense to really read the hitters, plus work the hitters on practicing an out of system attack. However, unless your team never blocks, make sure you do most drills WITH Blockers at the net to give your defenders much more game-like situations that they will see in the match!

Conclusion

When training to become a great reader you must learn to develop great court sense. There is no better way to learn than by playing the game. The art of great defense calls for good positioning. Anticipation is the first step followed by the ability to read. Reading the hitter calls for studying the hitter to determine their shots, watching the attacker’s approach line, watching the attacker’s body language and the armswing. Attitude is everything and great defenders always want the ball!

Hints & Clues:

  • Straight Approach = will most likely hit down the line.
  • Angle Approach = sharp and off the court means most likely an angled shot.
  • Set Outside Antenna = attackers tend to hit a sharp angle.
  • Set Off the Net = attackers tend to hit the angle.
  • Perfect Set = if next to the antenna, players tend to hit the line shot; if tight, line is likely.
  • Late Blocker = smart attackers will try to “tool” the block.
  • Majority Angle = majority of attacks are hit at an angle as it is an easier shot.
  • Off Balanced = will try to tool or use the block or hit off-speed shots.
  • Set Low & Inside = most likely hit at an angle.

Congratulations! You just accepted your first coaching gig! This is an exciting time for you, I'm sure. There are some surprises around the corner that I’d like to share with you. I don't want to spoil everything for you, but you're going to want to take some notes. Your players don't care how good you were as a player.

They don't. They really, really don't. You will quickly learn a harsh lesson: It's not about you any longer. If your athletes can’t pass a free ball, it doesn’t matter that you’re a former pro player. The best thing you can do is check your ego at the door and approach everything from here on out as a learning experience.

You are responsible for every loss, and your team is responsible for every win.

Again, it's not about you. If your team fails to perform a skill, and you suffer the loss because of it, it's because they haven't learned that skill yet. Whose shoulders does that fall on? I'm going to say you, Coach. If your team pulls out the victory, you take zero credit. You touched zero volleyballs during the course of play. Give credit where credit is due. Keep humility in mind, it will serve you well.

Get organized.

No, seriously. Do it. Now. Do you have rosters ready to be submitted? Do you have lineup sheets? Get extra ones. Do you have the insurance papers? Do you have them scanned into a Google Drive folder as a backup, so you can’t lose them? Do you have the “In Case of Emergency” (ICE) cards for all of your athletes? Do you have a list of any special medical needs for your players? Do you know where it is? Do you have protocol set for medical situations? When something goes really wrong (which it will) you are in charge. Coaching may be “just a hobby” for you, but you are responsible for the well being of young people. You cannot approach that responsibility casually.

Even beyond the doomsday scenarios, you need to be prepared. Start right now by planning out your season. Begin with the end in mind. What do you want to work on, week to week? How far will you take your team? What is the end product you are looking for? You will have to find the balance of teaching new materials, and reviewing old material. Your players will make errors, and that’s good! It’s part of the learning process. Don’t worry, we’ll go over this later. Write your practice plans out, every day.

Go into matches and tournaments prepared. Write out ideas for rotations and subs. Know your tournament schedule ahead of time. Write notes during tournaments about what you need to work on at practice. There are hundreds of good ideas that you will forget before you get home.

Your athletes know the difference between someone who is prepared and someone who is making it up as they go along.

Set yourself up for success.

A detailed parent/team meeting at the beginning of the year can save your bacon for the whole year. A shoddy parent/team meeting may haunt you all year. Come up with protocol, lay it out simply, and make sure it's understood by everybody involved. The more up front you can be, the better. Consider a team handbook.

Explain what is considered “on time” for practice, explain how you expect your athletes to behave, how playing time is earned, the proper channels for parents to contact you and how information about the season will be distributed. The biggest thing about this parent/team meeting is that you need to be firm with your expectations. For example, don’t ask them to be on time; tell them they are expected to be on time. More than anything else, explain what the goal of the team is. Everything you do will be measured against the team goal. The better you can deliver this talk, the better off you’ll be. Future-You will love Present-Day-You for doing a good job of this.

Remember that set of rules you just made? Follow them. Religiously.

If you tell your team that everyone needs to be at the tournament by a certain time, they need to be there at that time. Say the star outside hitter shows up late, and you play them anyway "because you need them in the game." That's going to grind the gears of the backup who would have been playing. Bottom line; your athletes are going to remember the precedents you set. The more exceptions you make to the rules, the less the rules will be followed.

There is a ton of stuff you don't know about.

Oh sure, you had a legendary high school coach, and then you played in college. Almost none of that directly applies to coaching. Do you know the difference between block and random training? How about process vs. outcome; any thoughts on that debate? Do you want to run drills, or do you want to run grills? Where do you stand on winning versus development? Do you understand the difference between punishment and consequences? There are considerable scientific findings regarding intrinsic vs. extrinsic feedback; have you paid it any mind?

Look, I get it. That is a daunting amount of information. Great coaching will not be automatic. Your playing career will have taught you a few key points about volleyball. The ball should be touched three times and it needs to go over the net. After that, you are essentially a rookie all over again. You are at the stage of your coaching career where you don’t know what you don’t know. Let’s start professionally developing ourselves, shall we?

Let’s learn about John Kessel and all the blogs he’s written. He's only got a couple hundred up; that should keep you occupied for a while. Let’s take a gander at the website “Train Ugly”; watch Trevor and the gang’s videos. The growth mindset, the jungle tiger, specificity... You’re going to want to know that stuff. The “Coach Your Brains Out” podcast; have you downloaded their content? It’s free, and they deal with everything under the sun in volleyball. You should probably find the Facebook group “Volleyball Coaches and Trainers,” and apply to be in it. They have a resource list of  500+ items just waiting to be used. How about getting CAP I and CAP II certified; did you do that yet? You might want to get your IMPACT certification and SafeSport taken care of first.

All of that, minus IMPACT and SafeSport, is totally optional. There is no requirement to develop professionally. However, failing to educate yourself continually makes you a hypocrite. You expect your athletes to learn and get better, right? You want them to lift weights, eat right, go to camps and clinics, get private lessons, all that good stuff, right? They are well within their rights to expect the same out of you. You want them in the best form possible, and they want the same from their coach. Lead from the front on this, they’ll notice.

Attendance is mandatory, even for you.

Coaching, regardless of the level, is a job. You are expected to be at your job. When you lay out your rules for the season, explain to your families the  acceptable reasons to miss practices or tournaments. You need to hold yourself to that level as well. Playing in a co-ed adult league is a terrible reason to miss practice. You are going to miss some things because of coaching, and you should consider it a badge of honor. You can’t ask an athlete to be more committed than you are to the team.

Learn how to control your emotions.

There are going to be highs and lows in your season. Things will never be as good as you think they are, and things will never be as bad as you think they are. Figure out the mid-line of acceptable emotions, and give the team what they need. It’s easier said than done, and you’re going to make a ton of mistakes during this process of learning how to communicate what you need from your athletes.

Your patience will be tested early and often. You will have an athlete who pushes the boundaries. There will be a parent who is cartoonishly unrealistic about their child’s role on the team. You will attend poorly run tournaments. You will have practice slots get bumped off of your practice schedule. There will be entire games, matches and tournaments where your team will horrifically under-perform, despite the top class coaching and training methodologies they received. Athletes are not robots. There will be good days, and other days will be regression towards the mean.

You will quickly realize that volleyball rarely operates in a utopia. You have to manage your emotions, and deal with them privately and responsibly. Every coach you’ve ever met has had “that parent” demanded to have “that talk” for “those reasons.” You have to develop a thick(er) skin to keep your emotions under control. Remember, just because you are holding yourself to professional standards does not mean the other person in the conversation will.

At the end of the day, don’t let one bad apple ruin the bushel. All of the trying times listed above come with the coaching territory. In the words of the late Jimmy Valvano, “Survive and Advance.” You will have a bad year; we all do. If you let yourself get jaded during that down year, you’ll miss the opportunity to enjoy the next season, the next group of athletes, the next best thing to have ever happened to your coaching career. Hang in there, things will get better. Just keep doing what you know to be right. Things usually work themselves out.

Think constructively.

You think that you are a class-A talent evaluator. You aren’t. You will say things like, “this kid will never see playing time;” or “this athlete is only a bench warmer. They will never play for a meaningful point.”

These thoughts are how you derail athletes’ careers. Instead of “this kid will never make this team,” say, “this kid needs to fix A, B and C to make this team.” You’ve analyzed this athlete, you know their strengths and weakness. Now you have a blueprint for this athlete and progress can be made. That’s why you took this job, right? To help kids climb the ladder? That’s what coaching should be about. We are opening doors for athletes, not closing them. 

Be realistic about what your team is capable of.

Your team is going to shank passes. Your team is going to miss some swings. There will be athletes who don’t learn a skill until the end of the season, especially if you’re coaching younger age groups. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither are volleyball players. Slow and steady will win the race, regardless of how aggravating it may be to you. The athlete is giving it their all, the whole time. You are returning the favor, right ?

Remember how we talked about controlling your emotions? This will get tested every practice. If you have a player who is a 4 out of 10 talent player, they are not going to be a 10 out of 10 in two weeks; it’s just not how things work. Build the athlete into a 5, then into a 6. One step at a time, they will get there.

Figure out your purpose as a coach.

Look, the odds of sending any of your athletes to play in college is relatively low. The odds of them winning a Division I National Championship is even lower. To go play professionally, less than 0.1%. What are the odds in a decade your athletes will need to be quality upstanding adults who are contributing members to society? 100%.

By the time your athletes graduate from college, they are going to remember maybe one or two rallies from their season spent with you. Volleying the ball is secondary in their memories. The lessons that you teach them – how to be a great person, how great people create great teams and how great teams can accomplish great things – will help them much more in life than transition footwork. Remember this tidbit; you don’t coach volleyballs, you coach people.

            See, this job is easy. Just 11 things to keep in mind while you go through your season. Sure, there are going to be a million situations you’ll find yourself in that won’t be covered in any coaching manual, so you’ll have to go with your gut. Oh yeah, learn to listen to your gut. You’re going to need guts to coach. 

In advance know that this is a two topic blog, woven together by my favorite songs.  This first part is for those coaches who need to know more about developing creative players with VB IQ, then I will close with things I have learned from my recent losses of those dear to me.  They blend together thanks to music.

First off, PLEASE take the time to listen to Tommy Emmanuel. He is not only the greatest guitar player on the planet, he is a teacher, an entertainer, and someone who will make you happy when you listen to him. I first discovered him over 20 years ago while working in Australia, and just can’t say enough about how important he is to have as part of your musical life, no matter what other genres you listen to.

Tommy is a solo guitarist, not a singer, not with a band, but he can make the guitar come alive with a band alone, and make it sing like no other. He cannot read or write music (he can write a song, just not write it out), and had no training, just taught himself after catching the bug when he listened to Chet Atkins, who called Tommy “the most fearless player he had ever seen.” He is following his passion, being in the “happiness business” not entertainment work. He shares how he thinks like a band (think teamwork/team) and that is how he performs even though he is unaccompanied. 

In this TedxMelbourne talk, he states “My music has been played at weddings and funerals…others have learned my songs and make their living playing like I do. My music has brought life to Alzheimer patients, willpower to cancer survivors, escape for grieving families, joy to people’s daily drive to work.” Being fearless is about breaking molds and raising self-belief, I ignore the critics and I keep working to make my show and my life better and better.” And just remember folks that life is not a rehearsal, so you better get on with it.” So this video is a MUST view, IMHO as is any link that YouTube then gives you as an option to listen to more of Tommy “live” or in studio. 

Specific to the song that has always brought me joy, here Tommy performs “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” like no other but you cannot listen to his version without words, without then listening to the late, great Izzy do his version with his melodic voice.

Music has helped me in these last days of my mother’s life, to fill her hospice room with the songs she, my dad, our family and friends sang so often together.  It brings you joy and peace, and bonds you both physically and mentally.  My parting song to mom yesterday came about because of an Australian friend, who asked me to sing my mom a song – and so she listened to me sing Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree…That I have three or four Kookaburras in my office, including my prized Paul Margocsy original painting that makes me laugh with them. Mom and Dad loved Mexico, and the songs of performers like Edie Gorme and the Trio Los Panchos.  Thanks to our “sisters” Diane & Caroline May of the KessMay family, we played 3 CDs over and over, to fill mom’s mind with those joyful words and sounds. The night nurse on the 8am shift change bubbled over with pleasure listening to them all, and shared a musician I had forgotten, Rosa Passos, from Brazil. Her song “Besame Mucho” is right up my parent’s alley.

As soon as you headed into the hallway though from my mom’s room, the music would stop. We have spent a lot of time in hallways growing up. Nodding at some, hugging others, perhaps even being bullied by those with little else in their life. This past month has been a challenge in the passage, first losing my partner, and now my mom. My old friend Margie Plath helped by sharing the group “Passenger”s song “Feathers on a Clyde,” and talked about how exciting it was to meet Brett Dennan this month at Red Rocks, for his song “When I Go” is also very comforting.  

We are really nothing but memories and dreams, which meant I have been singing John Denver’s “Poem’s Prayers and Promises,” more than usual too – “What about the dreams and all the memories we share?” These weeks have been made better by friends and family, who have shared their memories and hopes with me. The most impactful ones I wish to share, to help others in the future deal with loss, on and off the court.

You see, the quote that has helped the most is about hallways… “When life opens one door, it closes another, but it is hell in the hallway…”

I loved how much my mom enjoyed my blog about her as a “coach.” What I learned there is to make sure to share with your loved ones in advance, not after they have passed.

My mom said there are two kinds of people. Those who when you see each other say “There you are!” – while the others say “Here I am…” She is being welcomed by the many who have gone before her soon, with a hearty “There you are!” on both sides. It is hard to see a loved one go from a joyful dancer, even if using a walker, to a frail, skeleton like body in a fetal position in just a week. All you can do is hold their hands and tell them it is ok to go, letting them know of all who love them and wish them godspeed. When a loved one becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure; that message my assistant so wisely shared with me which helps. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future.

One of my oldest friends, from elementary school, John Borel, who went with us on Mammoth winter ski and summer sea Mexico trips shared this one that helped:

"To Those I Love And Those Who Love Me"

When I am gone, release me. Let me go
I have so many things to see and do.
You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears,

Be happy, we had so many years.

I gave you my love and you can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you each have shown
But now it's time I traveled alone.

So grieve a while for me if grieve you must
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
It's only for a while that we must part
So bless those memories in your heart.

I won't be far away for life goes on
So if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near
with all my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile and "Welcome You Home".

While Rick Swan, who I have known for decades and who coaches at my alma mater, The Colorado College, shared this that also helped a bunch:

GONE FROM MY SIGHT by Henry Van Dyke “I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then, someone at my side says; "There, she is gone!" "Gone where?" Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!" There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout; "Here she comes!" And that is dying.

Make sure to share and listen to the stories delivered to your loved one. My daughter facetimed in from thousands of miles away and the technology allows them to listen and you to learn.  The stories shared when loved ones say thank you, opens your eyes to the wide impact you did not know that person had on other’s lives.

Share fun… My sis and I talked about a game I had not played – Left/Right/Center – there are even dice made for playing it, though frugal me wondered how to make the same game happen with just regular dice (you can do it…), while I taught her how the “straw twirl” race first shared with my daughter Mac by Eric Hodgson- still a video that makes me laugh so hard to watch, but I am banned from posting to YouTube…

What is time after all?  In Einstein’s relativity it goes too slow when bad happens and too fast during good times. George Carlin had a line about the shortest measurable amount of time - the time it takes from a light to turn green and a NY driver to honk – which has always made me laugh. It is also time that allowed me to be with her in her last days…while technology allowed me to share with my sister and brother this morning when mom breathed her last breath.  The angels are lucky today….

All I know now, in her honor for she would want me to, is that it is time after work today for my weekend to be filled with the joy of others she touches by having raised me. Time to put up a USAV booth at the Rocky Mountain State Games today and tonight, get to Denver to deliver some “secrets” to the near 100 coaches at the Colorado State High School Association’s annual coaching clinic, run the State Game Volleyball tournament, and then fly to work a special camp with the kids and coaches of the Makah Tribe in Neah Bay, in the same state my mother was born in. She came into this life in Olympia, Washington no less – somehow prophetic in this journey to grow the game together, now in her honor too. If you have any other words of wisdom you have had to learn the hard way through the loss of someone important to you, please share – my bet is it will impact others, the way others have impacted me, and for all of those who have in my life, I thank you.